When living in a close community, it is inevitable that we will experience a range of triggers and interpersonal challenges. On the spiritual path, we view these challenges as an opportunity to grow and evolve. Song of the Morning is committed to dealing with these types of conflict as creatively as possible. We strive to follow the guidance of a divine sage, Sri Gyanamata, “Lord, change not my circumstances, change me.” To that end, following are some basic tips to help deal with this in a constructive way. 

When something happens that triggers/upsets you:

1. If possible, take a break, breathe deeply, take a walk, meditate, exercise, do whatever you need to calm down and get centered. 

2. Self-reflect: in this conflict, what am I responsible for? What can I own? What do I want or need from the other person, or in this situation? How can I manifest compassion and honesty? Basically, you want to try and do your inner work first before reaching out to the other person. 

3. Perspective-taking: Consider how the other person might be feeling. Put yourself in their shoes. Consider what you know about them, and what you might not know.

4. Clarifying your feelings and needs: Consider what you ultimately are needing beneath the surface. Connection? Harmony? Mutual understanding? 

5. Approach: let the person know you’d like to speak with them and ask them when a good time would be to make sure both of you are in a good setting to do so. Be sure not to point a finger of blame, rather the goal here is to seek to understand the other person and their perspective. Come with an open mind and questions. Often deep listening solves many problems.

6. Self-reflect: did you come to a better understanding? Solution? If yes, great! If not, then you can go deeper in self-reflection and seek out the person again.

7. Mediation: ask the person if they are comfortable inviting an objective 3rd person to meet and help the two of you find common ground. 

The above principle and practice applies to interpersonal conflicts, to help us manage the “likes and dislikes” and temperaments of our ego-nature. However, it is essential that everyone at Song of the Morning feels respected, safe, appreciated and heard. We do not tolerate or support any form of verbal, psychological or physical abuse, nor any form of prejudiced discrimination. If at any time you feel uncomfortable or you are aware of any form of abuse or harmful prejudice, please notify the Managers or a Community Mentor. 

Sometimes, to help your own understanding of people and their conflicts you need to get and share information about people who are not present. This is healthy and normal and there is an easy test to distinguish between what is healthy and helpful and what is unhealthy and destructive. It’s the invisible person test. When the topic of someone who is not present comes up, imagine that the person of whom you are speaking or hearing about is standing behind you. If what you say, or hear would make that person angry, defensive, or unhappy you are engaged in an unhealthy triangulation. 

Revised Fall 2022